


back to the drawing board

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Other, Volleyball Dorks doing things, aka a dumping ground for the random lines that pop into my head, anyway, do not under any circumstance read this and take me seriously, fics i'll never write, im so sorry, some of this could probably be canon, this is all trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:04:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>excerpts from fics i will never write<br/>(idea dumpster)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one of many, probably

All Iwaizumi wanted to do was finish the damn documentary.

 

All Oikawa wanted to do was Iwaizumi

 

-

 

Bokuto was grinning from ear to ear, cell phone held up in one hand while the other waved in protest, shielding his eyes from a butt-naked Kuroo.

 

“Dude, why are you just waving that thing around?” Bokuto cried, voice cracking with laughter. 

 

Kuroo smirked and took a step towards him, putting his arms out. “Like what you see?”

 

“No, but all my friends on Snapchat will,” replied Bokuto, clicking the camera button and taking the picture. “Thanks for the blackmail!”

 

-

 

Kuroo approached Kenma from across the gym, raising his eyebrows as Kenma gave him a nod of recognition. Letting his eyes wander, Kuroo chuckled.

 

“Is that a PSP in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

 

Kenma shrugged and pulled the device out from the confines of his pants.

 

“Still just the PSP. Keep dreaming.”

 

-

 

There was a saying among the veterans of Shiratorizawa Academy Volleyball Club:

 

When Ushijima approaches you and he’s wearing his straw hat and overalls, you run. Run and don’t look back.

 

-

 

For his April Fools’ prank, Nishinoya had prepared scissors, hair from his little cousin’s Barbie doll, and a box of tissues, because he already knew the outcome even before it had started.

 

Practice ended, and as the team changed in the club room, Noya took great care to retrieve the supplies from his bookbag unnoticed, hiding them beneath his shirt. Surely they were expecting a prank. Didn’t they know him? The whole team was oblivious, thankfully, and he was able to walk right up behind Asahi.

  
Noya opened and closed the scissors right behind Asahi’s ear, and upon making the snipping sound, he held up the chunk of Barbie hair as Asahi turned around, wide eyed and mouth gaping open in shock.


	2. two of i dont even know

Yamaguchi lifted the binoculars to his eyes, squinting a bit as the image of Hinata's bright orange hair came into view. Beside him was Kageyama. The two were sharing a park bench, Hinata obviously trying to scoot closer as Kageyama licked the dripping ice cream cone in his hand obliviously.

 

"What can you see?" Tsukishima hissed. They hid among the bushes lining the opposite side of the street from the park where the other first years were.

 

"Hmm...looks like mint chocolate chip," replied Yamaguchi absentmindedly.

 

Tsukishima slapped him a little too hard across the shoulder. "Not the ice cream, you dummy. What are they doing? Has Kageyama embarrassed himself yet?"

 

Yamaguchi shifted, letting his weight fall forward as he tried to get a better view. "No, I don't think so. He's just eating his ice cream. Hinata is talking about something...he looks pretty excited, y'know that look he gets on his face whenever he spikes a ball? Kageyama is...arguing? No, now they're...they're laughing? What the heck? Kageyama can _laugh?"_

Tsukishima reached over and yanked the binoculars from Yamaguchi's hands and put them to his own eyes. Yamaguchi tried to supress his laughter as Tsukishima's glasses rode up on his forehead.

 

"He's not laughing, Yamaguchi. He's choking. Oh my god, Kageyama is choking on ice cream."

 

"Is he okay?"

 

Tsukishima pulled the binoculars away from his eyes, letting his glasses fall back into position. He was laughing soundlessly in the way that Yamaguchi knew too well; when something was funny to the point of tears, Tsukishima would start cackling like a witch and then fall silent but still look animated. The corners of his eyes were wrinkled shut. Between gasping for breaths, he managed to add on a few more words.

 

"Hinata...giving the...Heimlich...oh my god, what _idiots."_

 

"So much for Hinata's date planning," Yamaguchi grumbled. It was true that Hinata must've really admired his setter; Yamaguchi had been the one to suggest to him the idea of asking him out for ice cream, and Hinata had actually agreed (on the condition that Yamaguchi not tell a single soul on planet Earth). Yamaguchi had promised, but he had figured that telling Tsukishima would be acceptable, considering how many people actually believed he didn't have a soul to begin with.

 

That's how they ended up in a hedgerow together, sharing binoculars and cracking up about the awkwardness of it all.

 

"You owe me money now," said Tsukishima, once he had simmered down and wiped his tears. "Kageyama was the first one to fuck it up. I win."

 

"Alright, alright. Just wait until they leave," Yamaguchi muttered, shaking his head.

 

-

 

"Those thigh-highs would work wonders for you, Bokuto-san."

 

"Akaashi! What are you getting at, you punk? Is this just because of my knee pads? So what if I like them a little higher? It protects from floor burns, when I'm doing all that sick diving trying to save volleyballs from falling!"

 

"Just suggesting it. No need to yell. Those ones there, in the window, I thought they'd go nice with your hair."

 

"I will literally--oh, those? Yeah, they would, wouldn't they? I wonder if I could try them on..."

 

Before he knew it, Akaashi was being pulled by the hand into Victoria's Secret, and he hoped he wasn't too dark a shade of red. Bokuto didn't seem to mind.

 

-


	3. three of idk (ushijima/oikawa fic idea)

Oikawa makes the mistake of visiting Shiratorizawa Academy on a day when his DEAR friend Ushijima is getting ready to do serious work on his farm.

or

That time when Ushijima convinces Aoba Johsai's setter that aliens are definitely real, and he is one of them.


End file.
